Reflections on 2010

A year ago at midnight, I greeted 2010 by kissing my little girl and wishing her a Happy New Year. It felt as though she and I were starting the year by ourselves--my parents, to whom the little one is very close, were out of the country, and my ex-husband and I had just recently gotten a divorce. Mom and dad came back, of course, and after having gotten used to Life Sans Daddy, The Little One and I were doing just fine.
She she went to Disneyworld for the first time during her summer break, got into the Honor Roll at school and scored her first 5 points in her Gold Cup piano competition. I was in full bloom at work, running the design studio alongside my boss, and sometimes, alone. At work, I taught myself and dabbled in PHP, jQuery, JavaScript, HTML 5 and CSS3, until I was not only managing the office and our projects, I was also designing and developing websites. I literally did everything.

It all fell on my lap, because, a) I could do it, and b) my employer was looking for a job. The inevitable happened and he let me go while owing me a couple of paychecks. We negotiated my payment to be part equipment and part cash. For a little while there, I was angry, but my Best Friend put things in perspective for me. He provided support in many ways, and a fall-back if I needed it.

This led me to appreciate, even more, the amazing support system that I have in my family and friends. Months into my unemployment, I still feel fortunate for what I do have, thanks to these people. I learned to trust, be mindful, be present.

Just a few days before Christmas, we lost someone we were excited about meeting. My ex's fiancée miscarried. They, along with my Little One, and my ex's sister, were out of town visiting my ex's dad when it happened. I could only imagine the loss and the pain that they must have gone through (may still be going through), and felt as though there was nothing I could say or do in consolation but to send them my love and my thoughts. My ex's fiancée, who I had never met nor spoken to before, initiated contact with me, which I wasn't expecting; kind words were exchanged from one mom to another. I am still thinking about them, still wishing them healing, still sending them love.

2010 was neither a good year, nor was it a bad one. As I look back, all I feel is grateful, supported, and loved, and I look forward to 2011 with a clean slate and renewed hope, beginning with a kiss from my little girl.

There is no better way to start the new year.