Up

A few things keep (or wake) me up at night: DD kicking me in the head (the girl does NOT sleep still), DK (dear kitty) yowling for some love from his humans (the boy LOVES being loved and petted and rubbed), my upstairs neighbor when he comes in on late nights or leaves for work on early mornings. This morning, it's neither of those.

I was awoken by a tug.

I've always considered myself a positive person, and I've especially proven that during these last two years. It's a survival technique, and it's also a source of power -- it's a choice I make to not suffer, especially during troubled times. Every once in a while, though, there is that tug. Sometimes, it's the tug to be in a relationship. Sometimes, it's the tug of making a new career choice (at least while my company is still incubating). Sometimes, the tug is a reminder to ask myself if I'm being a good mom, and, hi, do you know you're doing this all yourself? 'Kay, great, just making sure you knew that. NOW TRY TO GET SOME SLEEP. 

So, realizing it was only 1:45 AM, which was not a decent time to start my day, I tried to fall back asleep. Then DD draped her legs over my belly. I laughed softly and stroked them, her arms, and her cheeks. Then I had to get up to pee. Several times. Should I just go ahead and take a shower? At 3:00 AM? Oh hell, no. So I gave up on sleep and got on the computer. It's 4:27 AM now, and here's what I've learned in the last 3 hours and 15 minutes:

1. I have quite a bit of courage.
2. I also have quite a bit of faith.
3. The tugs are reminders, nothing more.
4. I don't have to be in a relationship, something I've always known, but need to remind myself from time to time.
5. That this very single moment is what matters the most.

I feel like I am on a see-saw and need to get back in the middle to keep it straight again. :)

Ok, NOW it's time to start my day!